LBJ, is this the best you could come up with?

The LBJ School is training us to be future leaders of non-profits, consultants for businesses and authors of government policy. The administration tells us we are the decision-makers of the future, but they apparently do not believe that students can be trusted with opaque red cups.

Policing student beverages is out of line with the way the school has promoted alcohol consumption in the past. There are a number of receptions in the LBJ lobby throughout the year that offer alcohol, culminating in the open-bar graduation celebration with our own Dean making a toast.

But last Saturday the administration changed the rules when the cold fist of enforcement grabbed my shoulder and interrogated me as I entered the building,

“What’s in that cup?”

[Silence.] I know my 5th Amendment rights.

“You must leave this building now,” said the security guard.

“Here, take my cup if it concerns you. I am just going to the bathroom.”

“No! You must go outside.”

My creative problem-solving skills were quick to the rescue: “Here you go… my cup is now empty,” I said, after polishing off the remainder of my beer mixed with Malibu. I continued on my way to the bathroom, quite happy with my elegant solution.

“Stop! Or I will call the police and have you arrested.”

His threat was so absurd that I began to wonder how much fluoride he had ingested as a child.

“Call the police. By the time they get here I will flushed, washed and wiped. [1]

I understand that on game-days the LBJ School bathrooms get overused. There are 100,000 people on campus, most of whom are drinking, and our beautiful bathrooms with and pacific blue tiles and triclosan-free hand soap attract many small-bladdered football fans.

But how does having a security guard threaten would-be bathroom users keep LBJ clean?  If bathroom cleanliness is really the concern, there are two much simpler solutions.

1: Instead of hiring a security guard, hire a bathroom attendant.

2: Rent several port-o-potties instead of renting a cop, and give LBJers and non-LBJers convenient access to restrooms outside.

If the concern is destruction of LBJ property outside of the bathrooms, how does policing the alcoholic content of cups inside the building help? If someone is destroying property, the security guard could respond to that instead of trying to police the contents of cups.

With the famous LBJ Chili Cook-Off Competition coming up this Saturday, I ask that if LBJ administrators are concerned about LBJ property, they come up with a more effective solution than idle threats from a rent-a-cop and to stop treating LBJ students like children.

[1] Though not in that order.